While at the library, Cedric and I had time to look around long enough to get bored.
Not truly bored, but this library location is a little smaller and we are here often enough. So we started looking for funny titles or weird covers to make each other laugh and we found this gem
Im obviously a witch- and if you are new here- you may not know that I lovingly call myself a witch BECAUSE of *so many people* in my previous life having so many problems with astrology or tarot cards or crystals.
Do you know it is easier to believe in God and Jesus and a “pagan” than it is to practice astrology or read tarot cards as a “christian” in this country? Jared and I are so averse to organized religion because of alllll the issues we have had with people thinking they would change me over the years. It is exhausting.
You would think that people would leave a 43 year old woman alone, but…no. When we started attending the inquirers course at our church, one of the first things I said was “I read tarot cards and Im not looking to change”. Like a line in the sand.
Its also hilarious, because in every non-religious circle I find myself in- I have to say things like, “Well Im actually a christian-christian, like more of a catholic christian. Like I believe the Bible is quite literal and that good and evil actually exist. Like I believe in angels and demons. Archangels. Saints.” But the Catholic Church is terrible to women- especially divorced women- so here I am.
When I was younger, I always prayed that I could believe like other kids. Literally. I wished that I could sleep without prophetic dreams. That I could live without hearing spirits talk. I left the church I was raised in, because they were also bonkers. Anti-gay, misogynist and fear mongering. I was aware of my queerness QUITE early- and was openly bisexual by age 16.
I think that many people that were raised in decent churches, that maybe had an easy path of faith, ignore that a LOT of us that believe did NOT have it easy. Ive never felt so SEEN as when I heard Abby Wambach say…
“I understood that I had a choice to make. And it was I was either going to choose me or God … I chose myself.”
In that same interview, Glennon said-
“If you are part of an organization — a family, a conversation, a friend, a church that is letting homophobia live insidiously — you have three choices,” Doyle said. “You can stay and be quiet and that means you agree. That means that you are also anti queer. That means that is what you are passing down to your children. That is a decision.”
The other choices, she added, are fighting the organization or leaving it. While that might sound scary, Doyle and Wambach explain that leaving an institution isn’t the same as turning away from God.
“The church isn’t God. And if you are being given a choice between love and God you better think hard. That is a false choice,” Doyle said. “God is love.”
SO I continue to speak for those of us that HAD to leave. HAD to choose ourselves. Felt as if GOD was there- helping us stay alive and persevere.
Did I still read the Bible? yes. Did I go on to read the Quran? Yes. Did I read the Torah? Also yes. The Book of Mormon? yes. Scientology? unfortunately, also yes. Did I study with Jehovah Witnesses for a couple months? With an actual leader of their church? ALSO YES.
I HAVE READ. ALL THE THINGS.
The book of enoch, Dead Sea scrolls and on and on. I read CS Lewis fervently. I have listened to HOURS AND HOURS of evangelical podcasts. Devoured Rob Bell. TD Jakes. I read Neville Goddard… then…. in the pandemic, I fell into watching my friend’s father teach and developed a whole new passion for learning again.
But over 27 years of pretty consistent research and practice… Im still deduced down to a WITCH because I have crystals in my home, read tarot cards and do astrology charts. Oh and also hear spirits. and plants. Ok, fine and also animals…
I once had someone say, “if you could JUST PUT THOSE THINGS ASIDE for Jesus, you would be perfect”.
PERFECT, they said. I think of that often. If ONLY I could put down a large chunk of who I have been since I could TALK. It is almost as if they just said outloud- “IF ONLY YOU WERENT YOU”.
The search for a perfect faith is what I believe to be at the root of our world’s problems. Faith is so messy. Faith is so painful at times. I have switched to saying, “I am sorry God made me into something so uncomfortable for you, you will have to take it up with him!”
Through hardships and struggles- the one thing that has grounded me is my belief that I couldn’t be separated from my creator by anything. If I see pure MAGIC in something that was formed over the course of millions of years buried in the dirt- if I see God’s creation and intense symbolism in a rock that has turned into a jewel through pressure and hardship? If I feel that wearing this rock (that has its own electrical imprint) connects me deeper- who is ANYONE to say that it doesn’t? How can that be turned evil?
I see pure dysfunction when I hear someone say that a rock from the earth- or a plant from the earth-or a deck of cards- is a conduit of the devil. Its ignorant and internalized perversion at best and straight up manipulation at worst. If handling anything other than a bible or christianity approved items seems to hook you into evil patterns- Id wonder what is lurking inside you to begin with.
Like, now I have questions- Why do certain items feel “darker” to you? Why are you scared of a rock? Where did you decide that tarot cards are different from playing cards?
Because I BELIEVE IN MY DEEP SOUL, that when we harbor fear or hatred- we open the gates to things that match that same energy.
But, anyway-
Everyone knows your mother is a witch… well, I hope so.
I read an article written for the Catholic Church about how to bring “witches” back to the church.
In it, they said things like- witches LOVE:
1. Candles
2. Ritual
3. Crystal Jewelry
4. Incense
5. Praying to Ancestors & Requesting Spiritual Aid
6. Feeling spiritually connect to the Divine
7. Feeling EMPOWERED
They went on to say, that Catholics actually have all those things, like:
1. Candles
2. Ritual
3. ROSARIES
4. Incense
5. Praying to Ancestors & Requesting aid FROM SAINTS
6. Feeling spiritually connect to the Divine through fasting and prayer
But they quietly avert their gaze, as many christians do, when it comes to the things that REALLY drive people from the church. It isn’t that people THINK one day- “Id rather find a lesser goddess to pray to because Jesus is lame.”
No, it is that most people that leave, come to the realization that the church is openly anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-female empowerment and pretty much REALLY into shaming people.
Until churches fix that PESKY little number 7- and also openly treat ALL HUMANS as worthy… people will still leave.
And apparently- demonizing and classifying these folks that leave as WITCHES, is like- way easier than changing.
Now, the church we attend is phenomenal. Openly discussing these things. Challenging the old ways and fighting for inclusion. We have openly gay priests and bishops. Women priests and bishops. Trans priests. It isn’t tolerance they preach- the episcopal church is affirming, not just accepting. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves gay and trans people just as much as anyone else.
Guess what? When in a full loving and affirming church community- my “seeking” slows down. I feel safe. I can receive from a place of BELONGING and not of FEAR.
For the first time since I was 16- I can relax and look around and see love in action. The real kind, where it is just imperfect people learning about and loving God.
So, am I a witch? I guess that depends on what you mean 😉
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